


Remember How to Breathe

by asexualjuliet



Category: Foolish Hearts - Emma Mills
Genre: Allergies, Anxiety, Gen, I’m soft for Gid & Noah’s friendship, Me projecting myself onto Gideon, Panic Attacks, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 13:43:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21100418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asexualjuliet/pseuds/asexualjuliet
Summary: How can you be fine if you can’t remember how to breathe?Or, I project my entire self onto Gideon Prewitt.





	Remember How to Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> God, okay. I don’t expect anyone to actually read this except maybe Mary, but this one hits kind of close to home for me.
> 
> I was an absolute mess from ages 8-12 regarding my food allergies and that was really hard for me so I projected myself onto Gideon.
> 
> Dedicated to Maya and Catherine, my real-life camp counselors from when I was twelve, who took me to the nurse on multiple occasions because I thought I was going to die.

You’re ten. Ten, and you share half a bag of Reese’s Pieces with Noah as you watch Meet the Robinsons in the living room. Vic plays Heart and Soul on the piano in the other room with one finger, and it sounds terrible, but it sounds like home. 

The dinosaur comes onto the screen and you smile because that’s Noah’s favorite part but all of a sudden, there’s a tickle in your throat and you start to cough and you can’t stop. 

And Noah asks _ Gideon are you okay? _ And you look up at him and he says _ whoa, Gid, what happened to your mouth? _ You don’t know what he’s talking about so you feel your lips and holy crap, they’re all bumpy and you feel your ears go hot before Noah says _ I’m going to get your mom. _

What’s happening? You don’t know but you think you’re gonna cry. There’s a dinosaur on the TV screen and tears in your eyes and a tickle in your throat and then all of a sudden you’re in the car, Noah by your side, and he’s saying something but you can’t hear it. 

And he says it again but your brain doesn’t want to make sense of it and so you bury your face in his shoulder and cry. 

—

You’re eleven. Eleven, and you eat a piece of taffy and decide you’re dying. Your throat is closing up and you can’t breathe and so for the hundredth time, you say _ mom, please, I can’t breathe. _ And for the hundredth time, she says _ Gid, stop, you’re fine. _

How can you be fine if you can’t remember how to breathe?

—

You’re twelve. Twelve, and you’re at summer camp with Noah having the time of your life. 

You’re cooking apples by the fire, with caramel and cinnamon and sugar. And you take a bite and oh _ god _ it’s not cooked and raw apples make your throat itch so you say _ could I please go to the bathroom? _ And the counselor named Maya says _ sure _ and so you go and on your way there you spit the apple into the grass but it’s too late, and the itchy feeling is all over your mouth. 

You stand in front of the mirror in the bathroom and look at your face and it doesn’t look like your lips are all bumpy but maybe you’re just not looking hard enough. 

It’s hard to breathe and there’s a metallic feeling crawling up your neck. Your ears are bright red and your chest is too tight. You feel a bump on your lip and it’s too small to see, but oh god what if it’s happening again? 

And suddenly Noah’s here and he’s saying _ Gid are you okay? _ And you say _ I don’t know, I feel weird, _ and so he leads you outside and he gets the counselor named Maya who says _ hey Gideon, we’re gonna go to the nurse, okay? _

And you don’t want to go to the nurse, you want to go _ home _ so your mom can tell you you’re not dying, but you go to the nurse and she says you look fine, but gives you a cup of cherry-flavored medicine to drink anyway. 

It tastes bad and you want Noah, but he went back to the campfire because Maya told him to, and so you spend twenty-seven minutes in the nurse’s office, drawing until she says you can go back. 

—

You’re twelve, still twelve, and you’re still at summer camp and you order a chocolate chip cookie from the snack bar. You read the ingredients on the back four times and then eat it. You play carpetball with Noah for five minutes before you realize anything is wrong. 

And then the tips of your ears get hot and you can _ feel _ your throat closing up and you can’t swallow the spit that’s pooling in your mouth. 

You step away from the carpetball table to get some water but you can’t breathe and you say _ Noah I need to go to the nurse. _ And he says _ again? We’re not allowed to go back to the cabins until free hour is over, _ and you say _ Noah _please. 

He says okay and you go toward the cabins, but the counselor whose name is Catherine says _ hey, what are you doing out here, you’re not allowed to be at the cabins right now. _

You open your mouth to speak but Noah says _ Gideon needs to go to the nurse _ and we need someone to go with us and Catherine says _ oh, okay what’s going on? _ You don’t hear Noah’s explanation because your brain is blocking out everything except _ you’re gonna die. _

You get to the nurse’s and Noah tells her what‘s happening and she says _ honey, what’s going on? _And you have no idea, so you start to cry. 

—

You’re fourteen. Fourteen, and it’s Lena Ideker’s birthday and she has a big fancy party and a big fancy cake. And so you eat, and then you realize you didn’t remember to check what was in it. The panic claws at your throat. Noah’s sick at home. You’re just gonna have to ride this one out on your own. 

—

You’re sixteen. Sixteen, and Vic leaves a jar of peanut butter open on the counter. You walk by and you feel sick. You go to your room and don’t come out after that. 

—

You’re eighteen. Eighteen and the girl you like offers you a cookie and you say _ hell yeah _ until you’re halfway done with it and you realize you forgot to ask her. You make up an excuse about finishing some homework and go back to the school. You leave the other half of the cookie on the ground. Your chest is too tight and your face is too red. 

You lock yourself in a bathroom stall and type out a shaky text to Noah. A reply comes through a few seconds later and oh holy _ shit _ you didn’t press Noah’s name, and now you’re having a panic attack in the bathroom and you’re texting Iris Huang instead. You feel sick and you tell her that because you’ve got no one else to cry to and then the tears start to blur your vision and you can’t see what she says after that. 

Your phone rings and it’s Iris and you say _ please, you don’t have to _ but she says _ I want to. _ She asks you what’s going on but you can’t tell her, you can’t tell her because she’ll laugh at you and holy sh*t you feel like you’re going to throw up. And she says _ breathe, Gideon, please, _ but you’re not listening and you’re gonna die you’re gonna die you’re gonna die but all of a sudden she says _ Gideon! _ And she tells you to _ please breathe, Gideon, I’ll count for you okay? _And she starts her in-one-two-three-out-one-two-threes and you can maybe probably breathe again. 

And things are probably going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> All mistakes are my own, please let me know if you see any!
> 
> Kudos/Comments are greatly appreciated!


End file.
